Stop Self-Sabotaging Relationships

Relationships can be extremely difficult. Whether it is a brand new relationship with no past history or a twenty year marriage that has struggled for years, it is no secret that each will have to overcome certain problems to remain stable. However, if you find that your relationships are constantly ending and you can’t seem to figure out why, then you may be one of those individuals who self-sabotages. In order to determine whether or not you are a person who sabotages relationships, you need to look at a number of different aspects. First and foremost you must take a close look at your last relationship. What was it like during the relationship, happy, sad, or angry? What prompted the end to your relationship? Are there certain things your partner had mentioned that you may have overlooked? Once you have closely investigated the reasons for why your past relationship did not succeed, you can move onto the next step. Taking a look inside yourself to decide what needs to be fixed.

There are two different types of sabotaging individuals: those who consciously perform the sabotaging and those who are completely oblivious to what they are doing. For those who are aware of their sabotaging, addressing the problem is much easier; however, for individuals who are completely unaware, they will need to really find the root cause of their sabotaging. Knowing the different types of sabotage can help both types of people fix their problems and stop self-sabotaging relationships altogether, so they are able to find a meaningful and long lasting relationship that will grow consistently over time.

One of the most common types of relationship sabotaging is when an individual is too controlling. While it is a trait found in a many people, being too controlling in a relationship is never a good thing.

A controlling individual may find themselves nagging their partner on a constant basis about who they are talking to on the telephone, who they are hanging out with at home, and who is emailing them. They may also control other aspects of their partner as well, including controlling what they eat or drink and what television shows they are allowed to watch. Controlling, whether on a small small or large scale, can cause your partner to leave you as they feel confined and smothered. If you believe you may have an overly controlling side in relationships, you need to be able to step back and have faith in your partner. Allow them to make decision for themselves. This, of course, does not apply if their partner is making harmful decisions in which intervening is necessary.

Worrying about your past and drawing it into your next relationship is another common form of self-sabotaging. In this type of sabotage, individuals bring the fears and worries of their past relationships onto the next, unfairly. For instance, if a female was abused in a past relationship they may instantly become fearful of their next boyfriend, thinking they will act in the same way. Avoid situations such as this by getting professional help for serious past problems and learning that not everyone is the same.

Most human beings, if not all, have certain insecurities. It can be anything from their hair to their feet, and anything in between. However, when it comes to insecurities about or within a relationship the damages can be fatal. Being insecure about a relationship will automatically cause it to fail, as something that does not have strength cannot grow and be fulfilled. Those who have a common problem feeling insecure about relationships must be able to overcome their insecurities in order to stop self-sabotaging relationships.

The last most common type of self-sabotaging in relationships is by with withholding attention. This type of self-sabotaging occurs when an individual purposely upsets their partner (for example by leaving them) to see if their partner will fight for them. By doing this, the individual thinks that they will feel more secure with their partner, believing that they will ‘fight’ for their love in difficult times. The problem with this is that it is not only annoying and rude to the other person, but shows a lack of confidence in the relationship, with them. In order not to self-sabotaging relationships in this way, one must find other ways to feel secure in the love of your partner, without causing damage to the relationship.


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