How to Deal With Verbal Abuse in a Relationship

Abuse in a relationship is never an OK thing. There are two major types of abuse, verbal and physical. While physical abuse will leave marks and scars that can easily be seen, verbal abuse works differently as it will instead leave emotional scars that can't be spotted. Verbal abuse can cause serious side effects including low self esteem, fear, depression, anxiety, and much more. Before one can begin dealing with a verbally abusive partner, one must know the the common signs associated with verbal abuse and understand the type of a verbal abuse. The first sign of a verbally abusive relationship is being called names by your partner, and these are not your typical pet names such as baby, sweetie, and so on; instead, these names are demeaning names. Another common type of verbal abuse in a relationship is the use of words intended to shame the other individual. In this type of abuse, the abuser will use criticism, sarcasm, and mocking to put down their partner.

Typically in a verbally abusive relationship one can expect a lot of yelling, screaming, and swearing for absolutely no reason or for very small mishaps. If the individual seems to 'go off' at the slightest things, he or she is most likely has a problem verbally abusing people. These individuals will also use threats to intimidate their partner and then proceed to blame the partner for their action. Putting the blame on their partner allows them to have some sort of reason for acting the way they are.

Last but not least, the abuser will dismiss all of your feelings. Trying to talk to these type of individuals will get you nowhere; in fact, most of the time it will only make things worse.

At the end of the way you are left alone, cold, scared, and most importantly, wondering why you are feeling so bad about yourself.

If you find that you are indeed in an abusive relationship and do not want to cut the relationship off completely, there are a few things you can try with your partner to help fix the situation. The first step in dealing with an abusive relationship is to realize that the abuse is not your fault. You did absolutely nothing to deserve this type of treatment and you are not a bad person.  Finding confidence will allow you to defend yourself and be able to work on the relationship.

Once you have come to the realization that the abuse is not your fault and you are confident in yourself, you can move on to the next step. In this second step, you need to inform your partner that their abuse is hurting you significantly. Discuss with your partner the actions that have taken place and the words they used to hurt you, and proceed to set boundaries with your partner. These boundaries will consist of things such as 'You can't call me names anymore' and 'You can't tell me I am worthless anymore'. Your partner needs to know that you won't tolerate any further abuse.

If necessary, you may want to consult a therapist to help you through your struggle. These therapy sessions can either be alone or with your partner. During these counseling sessions you should discuss the words and actions taking place and how you two can resolve the issue. Counseling is a great way to talk about the verbal abuse in a safe and secure environment in which you can both be comfortable.

Lastly, you need to surround yourself with uplifting and supportive individuals who will fight with you through your struggle. These individuals (family, friends, etc) should be able to uplift you when you are feeling down and empower you when you need them to.

If the aforementioned steps fail and your abuser continues with his or her abusive behaviour, it is best to leave the relationship altogether. At this point it is clear that he or she is set in their ways and will not change no matter what. You should just spare yourself emotional trauma and scarring and leave.




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